What do you do when your hand accidentally contracts around your colleague’s testicle? That was the dreadful predicament I found myself in recently. I probably shouldn’t talk about this horrific workplace accident, and especially not blog about it, but I can’t help myself. I just can’t take myself seriously. What’s the use of having these ridiculous moments if I can’t share them with the world!
I related this story at a family dinner because I needed to spill my guts and confess my accidental actions. But instead of my family being horrified, some of them were choking on their food and roaring with laughter. Here’s what happened.
I’m a short 5 ft 2 1/2″. Maybe I’m a tall midget. Or a short giant. Whatever. Anyway, my colleague is over 6 foot tall I’d guess. I was on a mission to get to the photocopier quickly, and in full throttle mode I power walked around a corner. With hands swinging like a little marching girl I turned the corner and bumped so hard into my colleague that my face actually bounced off his chest. I think I even got a taste of his navy blue jumper. In fact, my face hit and bounced back so hard that we both “gripped” our hands instinctively.
Luckily for me, his hands jumped upwards and gripped onto my upper arms and stopped me landing flat on my back on the floor – where I probably would have knocked myself senseless on the reception desk.
Unfortunately for him, my right hand gripped in shock, and for a split second I wondered what the ‘ball’ was that I was tightly gripping onto. Then I knew! In my head in that split second I realised it was the solid outline of his testicle. {In Australia, this action is called a “squirrel grip”.}
I let go. You could say I literally dropped the ball. We stood stock still. He looked down into my face, stunned, his eyes so big I could see completely around his pupils. And I was looking up with my mouth agape. I didn’t know what to say. Neither did he. I needed to break the ice … and quickly … so I blurted out “Just so you know, that’s not the worst thing I’ve done in my life!” Then I quickly turned and scurried away. Behind me, I suddenly heard his bellowing laughter. I was too embarrassed to ask what was so funny and neither of us have ever mentioned the encounter since.
Luckily for me, my colleagues all know I have an out of control sense of humour, especially if I’m on a sugar high. Maybe this story will come out at our next social function. Then again … maybe not.
© 2015 CEW
Originally posted on my old blog site
Cat in the Cactus 